Guest Blogger: Red Divine
Newbie to the world of sex blogging but keen to share my thoughts, tips and interests with you all.
Working in admin in the real world, I am passionate about writing, LGBT rights and of course sex…
…oh and toys, can’t forget the toys!!
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We can spend days, weeks, months even years trying to define who we are, what we want and where our life is taking us, but how much of this self deliberation is actually necessary and is it more for others than ourselves?
When it comes to sexuality there are so many labels that try to define us that the question of where do we actually fit in is it ever changing, potentially confusing and very stressful to many of us.
Most of us want to find a place in society so feel the need to be able to answer who we are with some profound, inspirational quote or statement that will make the listener understand us in a few simple words.
Is it really possible to explain such a complex, amazing organism as the human being in just a few simple words or sentences?
I think not; we are all individuals, we are all ourselves and we are all different.
Me for example in the worlds need for definition would be labelled as Bisexual. I have had relationships with men and relationships with women and loved strongly and passionately with both. Yet I do not feel though that this word “bisexual” tells you who I am.
People ask me if I identify as a lesbian or a straight woman and there is no easy answer for this. My existence focuses on seeking and fulfilling life goals, my personal aspirations and finding love and happiness but who I want to find that love with is still open for debate.
I am attracted to both men and women and I have found love and sexual satisfaction with both. However when it comes to choosing a lover or partner I do not seek a particular gender. I fall for a person not a man or a woman but a person that makes me feel like I can be myself. Someone to love me as me. It has always been about the person for me and not what is underneath someone’s clothes. If someone stimulates my mind that is more important to me than limiting myself to who I will allow to stimulate my body.
This way of thinking could potentially put me in another bracket altogether. Maybe I am actually pansexual? Do you know what though? I don’t really care to define myself as either. I am me. I am a woman who enjoys sex and relationships and who I choose to conduct these with is surely just mine and my lovers business?
Having been in a relationship with just women for many years there are lot of people that seem to have been more shocked by me expressing an attraction to a man now than there was when I came out as a lesbian 15 years ago. Perhaps it’s more about how people perceive us in their own minds than how we choose to label ourselves?
Heterosexual, straight, homosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, transgender, transsexual, androgynous, bicurious, queer, dyke, faggot, poof, swinger ; does it really matter?
The questions that people ask us about our sexuality, sexual preferences, fetishes or kinks are very diverse and very personal. Some of us are happy to discuss these personal, individual quirks with the world, others are much more keen to keep that side of who they are more contained and not discuss it with all and sundry. Unless someone specifically tells you something about themselves then for all we know that nice couple next door could be swingers, the paperboy could be battling with his attraction to men, the woman in the flower shop has maybe been living with her lesbian lover for longer than all your relationships put together and your plumber could be wearing a sexy bra and knicker set under his boiler suit. Perception, expectations and assumptions can fail us and be the complete opposite to what you imagine so perhaps we need to learn acceptance instead of judgement. Listen instead of gossip and focus on our own desires rather than everyone else’s.
Whoever you are and whoever you love or choose to spend time with or conduct all manner of saucy fun with, remember this is only a very small part of what makes you who you are and defines you as you. In the whole scale of things it isn’t important and should not allow you to be treated any differently by your peers just because of what you care to get up to in the privacy of your own home.
Life is precious and is all about experience and sensation. Grab every experience that you can and embrace every sensation that is available to you. Who wants to live life with regrets? Certainly not me.
To me love and sex is arbitrary. I do not follow a design that I believe the world has in store for me, I follow my heart and I listen to my mind.
Live life to its fullest, love strongly, passionately and without fear and make everyday count.
